Something about myself

This post is meant for 4O peeps.

I feel the need to share some of the happenings in my life with others.
I'm not seeking attention or sympathy. I simply feel the need for others to understand the decisions I made and the things I'm putting myself. I believe I have been misunderstood most of the time.

How many of those whom I hang out with really do understand what's going on in my life? I'm sure the things I reveal will surprise quite a few.

Just yesterday (Wednesday), my mother went through surgery. It is fortunate that the condition did not turn out to be as serious as it was thought to be. The operation went smoothly and she is recuperating now.

Well, this is the main reason why I chose not to join the rest for the outing at the Settler's on Tuesday. And because of this, I have to choose to work through my Dec holidays and to juggle between taking care of my mom and other commitments. It is not that I do not wish to take a break or have fun. In fact, I really do. I'm really burnt out from the activities and school work which started from so long ago. Yet, it is a commitment which I have to assume. I'm sure you understand.

Well, I don't think anyone will realise the impact of my mother's surgery unless you know about another significant detail about my family life. I will not mention it here. I don't mind sharing about it if you ask. However, I can tell you it just represents more problems in my life. Please don't ask about it unless you are really concerned and you are willing to provide support. It is something which I have accepted and moved on, and I really hate sympathies, especially empty ones.

Seriously, I simply prefer that people to be willing to find out the real reasons for my decisions and actions, instead of making assumptions about me (like I'm really a workaholic. I'm afraid to try new things, etc). I admit I am some of these reasons you may think I have. I believe I have many bad habits (like I know that I'm boring with my speech). What I would prefer is that there is someone to point those out to me and really tell me to change instead of distancing yourself. And please, if you wish to find out reasons, ask me in the right setting. I don't think these are topics suitable for a mass dinner conversation.

For a very long time, I have resisted sharing most of my problems with others as I doubt you guys are willing to listen or to provide advice. Why I have that doubt in the first place? I don't know. Perhaps I believe that most guys would not want to listen to woes of others. Neither are they willing to hang around with someone who presents only troubles, instead of fun. I seriously hope that that belief is wrong. I feel fortunate that there are a few friends who are willing to understand me and provide support for me in SMU. That has given me the confidence to approach this issue now. That has also led me to think about the missing element between me and 4O.

What I really wish by writing all these is for those who care to read this/find out more to understand. As for myself, I've also made a personal resolution to take the extra effort to understand more about others.