Something about myself

This post is meant for 4O peeps.

I feel the need to share some of the happenings in my life with others.
I'm not seeking attention or sympathy. I simply feel the need for others to understand the decisions I made and the things I'm putting myself. I believe I have been misunderstood most of the time.

How many of those whom I hang out with really do understand what's going on in my life? I'm sure the things I reveal will surprise quite a few.

Just yesterday (Wednesday), my mother went through surgery. It is fortunate that the condition did not turn out to be as serious as it was thought to be. The operation went smoothly and she is recuperating now.

Well, this is the main reason why I chose not to join the rest for the outing at the Settler's on Tuesday. And because of this, I have to choose to work through my Dec holidays and to juggle between taking care of my mom and other commitments. It is not that I do not wish to take a break or have fun. In fact, I really do. I'm really burnt out from the activities and school work which started from so long ago. Yet, it is a commitment which I have to assume. I'm sure you understand.

Well, I don't think anyone will realise the impact of my mother's surgery unless you know about another significant detail about my family life. I will not mention it here. I don't mind sharing about it if you ask. However, I can tell you it just represents more problems in my life. Please don't ask about it unless you are really concerned and you are willing to provide support. It is something which I have accepted and moved on, and I really hate sympathies, especially empty ones.

Seriously, I simply prefer that people to be willing to find out the real reasons for my decisions and actions, instead of making assumptions about me (like I'm really a workaholic. I'm afraid to try new things, etc). I admit I am some of these reasons you may think I have. I believe I have many bad habits (like I know that I'm boring with my speech). What I would prefer is that there is someone to point those out to me and really tell me to change instead of distancing yourself. And please, if you wish to find out reasons, ask me in the right setting. I don't think these are topics suitable for a mass dinner conversation.

For a very long time, I have resisted sharing most of my problems with others as I doubt you guys are willing to listen or to provide advice. Why I have that doubt in the first place? I don't know. Perhaps I believe that most guys would not want to listen to woes of others. Neither are they willing to hang around with someone who presents only troubles, instead of fun. I seriously hope that that belief is wrong. I feel fortunate that there are a few friends who are willing to understand me and provide support for me in SMU. That has given me the confidence to approach this issue now. That has also led me to think about the missing element between me and 4O.

What I really wish by writing all these is for those who care to read this/find out more to understand. As for myself, I've also made a personal resolution to take the extra effort to understand more about others.

What's this feeling..

What is this feeling..

Your heart warms when you hear her laugh.
Your day's brightened when you see her smile.
Your heart skips a beat when you bump into her.
Nothing else in the world matters more than to receive her sms/msg.
You feel sad when you are unable to bring her smile.
You feel bad when you don't know how to talk to her.
You feel really afraid to disappoint her.

Happy Teacher's Day

Teacher's Day today and I don't even remember so. It feels just like any other day (like crap) in school. I did not wish a single professor so in classes today. Not that I notice anyone who does anyway. Guess it's something that we outgrow. Still remember back in primary school where the school will organise some celebrations. After the celebration, the whole class will decorate the class to prepare a 'surprise' for our form teacher.

What really reminds of today is my student. First time to be wished Happy Teacher's Day. I have never thought myself as a teacher before. Nonetheless, it does feel great to be appreciated by someone. He's a good student btw.

To Profs who really deserve so, and to teachers who had helped me along my academic journey, Happy Teacher's Day..

Being Perfect

I had wanted to talk about what I had gone through in the last few weeks.
Think there's too much happenings for me, and not enough time for me to reflect on the experience. It's week 2 and I'm already slogging through to prepare for a presentation next week.

Anyway, I just want to talk about being perfect. Last night, a few of us from band were having a chat with our conductor. While he was discussing about the band competition, one of what he mentioned really struck me. I can't remember exactly what he said but it's something like: We should aim to seek perfection in the music and not think about competing, results will come along with it.

Think this principle can be applied to what we do daily. I admit, I'm guilty of having this competitive streak. Sometimes, I just want to be, or appear to be better than the others. Why should I bother about what the others are doing? Why should I be stressed over what the others can do and I cannot? Maybe I'm just seeking the attention which I do not deserve, or maybe I'm just afraid to lose out. I should just strive to be perfect in what I want to do. Sorry guys, I'm just imperfect in one of the many ways. Hope that someone will be there to remind me of that fact when I stress myself or when I start comparing with others. I need to think of what I really want and seek perfection in that aspect.

Being a perfectionist is a valuable trait. It really spurs one to improve. I find it applicable to my studies. If you feel the need to know everything and to be able to do every question correctly, chances are you will also do well for your tests and exams. If only I can find the time and patience to be perfect about everything, think I will become a great person.

Busy busy busy..

It has been a hell of a month for me, starting from the week after my ORD.
I'm sorry guys if I can't turn up for dinners and outings.
Been involved in:
1) Convocation 2006 on the 19th Aug










2) Angel Come Alive Project on my weekends










3) Symphomania on 4th Aug










4) Preparations for Vivace
5) National Band Competition
6) New Balance Real Run

It has been a really draining experience for me. For example, staying till 2am at Suntec, making do with 3-4 hours of sleep daily, and not to mention the deadline imposed by responsibility and obligations.
School has resumed and I've already felt kind of burnt out by now. Been thinking about why I want to go through all these and what I've learnt. Oh well, shall talk more about them in my next entry. I just want my rest now..

Re-Revival of the Blog

Hey there..

It's been a long time since i've updated this blog again.
Really feel that I should revive the blog for few reasons.
1) To let you guys (whom i've allowed to learn abt this blog) to learn more about me and what I've been up to. I'm only revealing this to the 4O community so far..
2) To vent my own feelings.
3) To remember my thoughts.. Sth which I can easily forget.
4) To invite suggesttions and comments.
5) And so on and so forth.

So watch out for this space. It's going to be active, I hope.

Catching cockroaches

Just as i'm going to bath, I JUST had to see a cockroach crouching by my washing machine. This is pretty irritating, considering that i'm so sleepy and i have to wake up early the next morning. After a moment of struggle between my desire to turn tail and let it be or to be responsible occupant of the house, i gave in to the latter. Given a chance, it will breed. Who knows how many eggs it may lay and what dishes it may dirty as it scampers around.

Now matter how many times i've caught cockroaches, i still find doing it disgusting and revolting. Especially so when this One has the size of a thumb and has dunno-what sticking out of its end. The worst is the squishy feel when u crush it under the paper and the juice that comes out of it.

Discover a good way of nabbing them though. Well, they do run fast. Found a bamboo pole very effective in preventing their escape. Lay it flat on the ground and covers the route of escape in front of the cockroach. Use it to knock it. Interesting to find it lying on its back, unable to move. That's when u move in for the kill. Mission Accomplished.

Darn. And i have to waste some senseless minutes typing about this experience.

Welcome to the 1st Post since Revival

Been having the same feeling of wanting to get rid of old items and to move on.
Hence, it happens once again to my almost forgotten blog, as it had happened to my room. Cleared all my old posts, all sounding pessimistic anyway, and decided to revive this blog.

Welcome to the my blog. Hopefully, it would not be as boring as the name suggests. The First Post since Revival.